The Cumshow (Final)

cumshow makemoremoney final from josephine norman on Vimeo.

Vocal Lessons

vocal lessons -- $40 / hr - $80 / hr.
call teachers + let them know what i am interested in, see if it is possible in one lesson or two lessons.
ask if i can audio record the lesson for my process document.
practice walking in the park.

Pecha Kucha Oct 21

Pecha Kucha Oct 21 from josephine norman on Vimeo.

1. TOPIC - INTRO (cheque)
At this point, I am talking about the nature of work by talking about sex work.  This includes revealing or demystifying sex work and portraying it as a job like any other, something someone uses to pay bills, buy groceries, something someone finds both positive negatives in.  Some thing some people are more suited towards than others.

2. PROJECTS - POSTER
As my first project, I created a poster about the conversation happening about sex work laws in Canada and how they are being built on emotional reasoning rather than research and experience.   I did this as my first project as I felt I had to get it out of my system.  I felt I can’t talk about sex work without talking about this.

3. PROJECTS - VIDEO
For the past few weeks I’ve been working on a video about the discrepencies between fantasy and reality when working as a camgirl.  The voice over is a mashup of two stories, one is a description of an ideal experience and the other as a very raw and honest description of what camming is like when you’re having a bad day.

4. PROJECTS - VIDEO (sell your panties)
The video uses two types of glitching. A glitch, like a camgirl, is a fleeting and personal experience, and shows how flaws in technology can be beautiful.   Rosa Menkman and Nick Briz heavily informed my decision to use this process in my video, as a result all of the glitches in the video are authentic, not aesthetic.

5. TOPIC
Okay, to be honest… at this point I do not really, and do not ever really expect to feel equipped to discuss my desired core message in depth, partially because when I read others attempting to talk about what I want to talk about, my eyes and my brain glaze over and images of men in overalls with hammers fill my mind.

6. TOPIC
Instead I will tell you this story.  The other day I was talking to some students who graduated a few years ago, I told them about a joke I have with my friend -- I tell her I have this typography class, and we’re learning to do X Y and Z, but really, we are learning how to subvert capitalism.  They looked at me wide eyed and said, “really? Maybe OCAD has changed”.

7. TOPIC
That reaction sort of blew me away, but it revealed to me that my experience at OCAD and this lesson I feel it tries to teach probably speaks more to me and what I care about than the institution as a whole, and I should probably accept myself as product of not only my environment but also my choices and individual beliefs.

8. TOPIC
When I think of sex work, I do not think of people selling their bodies out of desperation.  I think of people working on the fringes of an economy that prioritizes jobs that do not offer what people need to survive.  I think of people who are scrambling to find an alternative to the status quo.


9. PROCESS - BLOG (disclaimer)
Since this summer I have been keeping a blog.  Every time I read, watch or make something, I make a post about it.  I try to include a name, creator, a link to the material, and  notes on what I thought about it.   It is not the most readable but I do have disclaimer that says any especially incoherent posts are coming from a phone, intoxicants, or geniune laziness.

10. PROCESS - ACADEMIA / MAP (map)

At the start of this semester, I read a lot academic material, and collected a lot of things I would never have the time to read or decipher.  I made a giant mind map that feels somewhat impenetrable to me now.  If I find this mind map scary, I can’t imagine how others view it. I will probably try to approach map concept from a different angle in the future.

11. PROCESS - PHOTOS (photogrid)
I have also been taking photos of material in my daily life relating to my topic.  While some of these photos are spontaneous, some of them are staged.  As I develop a better understanding of what I’m interested in exploring, finding inspiration will likely be easier.  I have found them helpful in my making.

12. PROCESS - WRITING
Using the motivation behind the photo project (daily experience as inspiration), I have begun recording  personal experiences relating to my project. For example,  one of them is about some monotonous manual labour I did a few weeks ago with two friends who live on disability, and the relationship they, and I, have with work.

13. PROCESS - WRITING
I also included a summary of a story someone in my writing group wrote about a very competitive, oblivious, work focused man who works at an escort dispatching service that shares the floor of an office building with the call centre of a women’s helpline.

14. PROCESS - DREAMS
In addition to this I am recording related dreams I have, through writing or drawing.  One was about fourth year at OCAD and a weird, emotional hivemind / unity activity that ended in glitching technology and tears of joy.

15. PROCESS - DREAMS
In another I dreamt I was an escort at a funeral and my client wanted to cry about his dead friend, but he had also brought me half a smartie mcflurry. The way I like to eat mcflurries is by sucking all the ice cream out of my mouth and chewing the smarties with my front teeth.  And it is very hard to talk or express sympathy while doing that.  And the ice cream was melting.

16. NEXT - INTERVIEW
Around week 4 I told myself I wanted to do 4 projects this semester, so I would like to do two more. One of the underformulated ideas that have been jumbling in my brain is to interview sex workers about work, not life stories or gritty details about the nature of their job, but about their opinions and experiences with other kinds of work.

17. NEXT - CONTRAST
I have also thought about personally talking about experiences with other kinds of work as a contrast the video I’ve made.  Examining fantasy and reality in another job in a similar way, for example … in a call centre, where - if you want to keep your job - when someone verbally abuses you you have no power to stop them or exit the situation.

18. NEXT - SPECULATIVE
As I develop further understanding of my topic I would really like to do a speculative project about the future of sex work using foresight methodologies.  At this point I’m still uncertain about what areas I’m really looking at and not sure if this is the right next step for me.

19. NEXT - DIGITAL LABOUR
There are key words that are in my brain as result of working on my video - words like commodification, digital labour and surveillance. I feel I would like to continue pursuing those topics, but I’m not sure if it’s a rabbit hole that will get more interesting as I go deeper, or if I want to stay on the surface and explore more

20. FINAL
In the past few weeks I have really opened up my process and become more comfortable with making.  I know I am talking about the nature of work through talking about sex work, and that I am interested in being critical of capitalism by doing this, but I am keeping an open mind about my next step and waiting to see where the rabbit hole leads me.

---------------------------------

ROUGH

At this pint, in my work, I am moving towards talking about the nature of work through sex work.  This includes revealing / demystifying sex work and portraying it as a job like any other, something someone uses to pay bills, buy groceries, something someone finds both positive negatives in.  Some thing some people are more suited towards than others.

One of the issues people have with sex work is that they view it as a form of exploitation.  In talking about sex work as work, I would like to talk about work in general, especially in regards to all work as exploitation.

I found a book called Work, Capitalism, Economics, Resistance by Crimethinc that discusses late capitalism.  In this book sex work is described as existing outside the capitalist / exploited classes, and in an “excluded” class -- a class that operates on the fringes of the economy.

… at this point I do not really, and do not ever really expect to feel equipped to discuss my desired core message in depth, partially because when I read others attempting to talk about the topic my eyes and brain glaze over and images of men in overalls with hammers fill my mind.

The other day I was talking to some students who graduated a few years ago, I told them about a joke I have with my friend who does not go to OCAD -- I tell her that the main thing OCAD has to teach its students is that capitalism is oppression, I tell her I have this typography class, and we’re learning to do X Y and Z, but really, we are learning how to subvert capitalism.  They looked at me wide eyed and said, “really? Maybe it’s changed in the past few years”.

That reaction sort of blew me away, but it revealed to me that my experience at OCAD and this lesson I feel it tries to teach probably speaks more to me and what I care about and the classes I choose to take, and the teachers I choose to take them with more than the institution as a whole, and I should probably accept myself as product of not only my environment but also my choices and individual beliefs.

As my first project, as you know, I created a poster about the conversation happening about sex work laws in Canada and how they are being built on emotional reasoning rather than research and experience.   I did this as my first project as I felt I had to get it out of my system.  I can’t talk about sex work without talking about this.  In the process of making that, I read a lot of things -- largely academic -- and collected a lot of material I would never have the time to read or decipher.  I also made a giant mind map that feels somewhat impenetrable to me now.

After this, I started reading academic material on camgirls. Most of this was written or researched over 5 years ago, and because of the speed the internet and our relationship with it changes, the material feels out of date already.  However, in reading this I pulled some keywords I felt were interesting, such as fantasy / reality, public / private, and authenticity.

As a result of my frustration with the reading material I was finding, I resorted to my own experience and past work.  I mashed together two stories I wrote this summer, one written to be an appealing description of what an ideal show is like from my perspective, for use as a marketing tool.  Another was written as a very raw and honest account of one of the worst days I had while working.  I spent fucking well forever rewriting, editing, cutting excess material, and showing it to trusted friends for feedback before coming to a point where I accepted it would never be perfect or talk about all the things I wanted it to talk about while being reasonably short and easily digested in time based media.

During this editing process I researched the relationship between design and film, essay films, typography in films.  In one of the original stories I wrote, I disassociate from my body and see it as a water wonderland.  In my mind, the process of disassociating in that way is visualized in a way that reminds me of a time when I was a child playing tag, and I fell and smeared the palm of my hand in red, wet dog shit.  In my research about essay films, I came across glitching, and found some types of datamoshing matched exactly the visual that existed in my mind.  I went down the glitch rabbit hole and became quite enamoured with Rosa Menkman and the Glitch Theory Manifesto, and Nick Briz’s desktop doumentaries / essay films about glitching.  It also helps that glitch theory speaks to a lot of the topics I was thinking about with my camgirl project.  A glitch, like a camgirl, is a fleeting and personal experience.  A glitch, like a live camgirl, is a live interaction between your system and the data in the video / audio / image file.  And a glitch, like a camgirl who lets her reality show, can be taken as an annoyance or be seen as an accidental thing of beauty.

I had a lot of fun with testing different ways to glitch images, audio and video, and exploring ways these things could infuse additional (subliminal) meaning into the material I was working with.

This video is very nearly completed, it just has a few imperfections related to audio/video syncing I have to fiddle with, and I’d like to explore the typography some more.  I’m pretty excited about it and feel like it will be really hard for me to move on from this format.  I keep saying to myself, augh, I’m a designer, I can’t make videos all year.

Through this whole process, I am keeping a blog.  Every time I read or watch something, I make a post about it.  I do my best to include name, author / creator, and a link to the material, and notes on what I am looking at / what I thought about it / what is important.   Like many of you, I am trying to take pictures of things revolving around my topic my day to day life.  Because I have opened my creative process to allow more personal things, I have also started collecting and writing about different experiences that relate in my day to day life.

For example, a few weeks ago I worked for a day filling nicotine bottles with two close friends who live on disability because they have such severe anxiety and depression they have difficulty holding jobs because they can not reliably show up to work.  One of them works at this nicotine place under the table, but he is literally always working (answering emails on his phone) because he feels so guilty for the times he misses a shift because he has spent 36 hours asleep. We spent the day trying to convince the owners to buy a machine we had seen that could do the job we were doing more efficiently, for cheaper.

 One of them is about some monotonous manual labour I did a few weeks ago with two friends who live on disability, and the relationship they / we have with work.

I also included a summary of a story someone in my writing group wrote about a very competitive, oblivious, work focused man who works at an escort dispatching service that shares the floor of an office building with the call centre of a women’s helpline.

In addition to this I am recording related dreams I have, through writing or drawing.  One was about fourth year at OCAd and a weird, emotional hivemind / unity activity that ended in glitching technology and tears of joy.

In another I dreamt I was an escort at a funeral and my client wanted to cry about his dead friend, but he had also brought half a mcflurry and the way i like to eat mcflurries is by sucking all the ice cream out of my mouth and chewing the smarties with my front teeth.  And it is very hard to talk/express sympathy while doing that.  And the ice cream was melting.

As for where I go from here… around week 4 I told myself I wanted to do 4 projects this semester, so I would like to do two more.  At week 4 I had the idea that I would do camming next, then the impact of the sex industry on the consumer, and .. something about archetypes and sexuality and creative flow.  But now that I’m in this lovely world of anticapitalism and glitch art and digital labour and feel like I’ve been exposed to a wealth of opportunities to criticise capitalism through this kind of sex work that is a type of digital labour, I feel like I would really like to continue pursuing those topics, but I’m not sure how to do that or if it’s a rabbit hole that will get more interesting as I keep going deeper, or if I want to stay on the surface and keep exploring.

Some more formulated ideas that have been tumbling in my brain have been
1) interview sex workers about work, questions people doing usually ask sex workers ie; not life stories or gritty details about the nature of their job, but about their opinions and experiences with other kinds of work.  I know some people who are open to this / interested in it, but I am concerned about writing questions that are open ended and not leading.  Would probably have to be more open minded than I currently am going into it.
2) As I develop further understanding of my topic I would really like to do a speculative project about the future of sex work using foresight methodologies.
3) But I would also like to keep making videos.

I feel like I have really opened up my process and become more comfortable with making in the past few weeks.  Although I know I am talking about the nature of work through talking about sex work, I am keeping an open mind about my next step.

----------

FEEDBACK

- who should my audience be / who is my audience
- how explicit, tone / content, contemporary / haven't thought of or need to rethink their position
- censoring myself
- talking in abstraction  - is that interesting, should be able to articuate core message at this point (in education)

The Cumshow Test Two // Glitch

LEGIT VIDEO w/ moshing

cumshow test1 datamosh 2 from josephine norman on Vimeo.


the worst part about this was trying to figure out the video's aspect ratio, and endless rendering during the trial and error.  then glitching the wrong aspect ratio and fuuuck.

sound clips lose their sync.

experiment with more type treatments.  all pink or all yellow or some kind of rhyme or reason would be better.  all pink more likely.  thinking maybe scrolling marquee because camgirls think its 1998.  better than curlz.

thinking i should redo each glitch section individually seeing as i have the aspect ratio figured out finally. will give me better control over the sound. maybe add in colours as i had in a glitchtest. should look at excessive black and white sections, and clips with too much motion.
 should definitely do this AFTER i figure the type out, so i can glitch that too.

some screens from the colourful giltches

++ from the existing video (dat last frame yo)

The Cumshow Rough Video + response

ACCIDENTAL UPLOAD / TEASER

cumshow test1 teaser from josephine norman on Vimeo.

LEGIT VIDEO w/ moshing

cumshow test1 datamosh 2 from josephine norman on Vimeo.

ENDLESS FUCKUP

cumshow test1 datamosh 4 --real unsatisfying datamosh from josephine norman on Vimeo.

Spent all night working on my video.  Lost it as soon as I finished (a rough), then had to redo it -- which was fine.  Gave me a chance to look over and rethink some choices I had made.
Definitely do not know much about film making.  Working with (free) stock footage is very hard, even if I'm supplementing it with my own video.
Feel like I've been sitting in it so long I do not know how to make sense of it anymore.  Frustrated with the weird transition from candy imagery to landscape / landbased imagery.  Part of me feels like, who cares about candy after you've had an orgasm... and also ... the original writing did disassociate into the body as a water wonderland... but I'm not sure if that argument really flies, or would make sense to an audience.
Tried some datamoshing, did not get the results I anticipated.  One version (ENDLESS FUCKUP) ended up being three times as long as the original, with parts repeating over and over again, which is pretty much how I feel about the piece at this point.  Not sure if I should finish it as it is or keep working on it next week.  I guess if it is such a jumble in my brain, shelving it (or coming to an unresolved final) might be beneficial / give me space to return to it if it feels worth it.

I have a lot of ideas on how I could change it, but most of them involve completely redoing everything about it -- I could see that being a reality for ever and ever and every, so it's not very practical.  Coming to a final and writing a rational would give me better perspective.

Reflections on the content of the work / what it is missing

Topics being addressed in the writing

- physical labour

> monthly

> orgasm

> authenticity

> physical sensation

> body insecurity

> uncooperative body

> pleasure

- specators

> disconnect

> worship

> objectifying

> unrealistic expectations

- emotional labour

> service

- money

> tips

Topics not being addressed

- money - food, bills, hustle, financial concerns

- work 

> having to work when it is not the best time

> value of work even when it is not empowering // opposition to sex work needing to be empowering

> all work as exploitation

> sex work as an alternative - emotionally, politically, physically

- emotional labour - chatting, authenticity, connection

Ways of putting meaning into it beyond writing

- audio performance (tone of voice, silence / pauses)

- music

- video clips / content

- text in video

- datamoshing / glitches (via photoshop drawings)

- title

Keywords from audio ramble

- no silence feature makes interesting glitches
- piece worked over so much more than other writing i do
- the idea that someone wants to pay you to watch you have an orgasm is so dreamy
- annoying aspects - comments, hard/impossible to conceive of so many men
- physical injury - bruises as a result of the kind of pleasure i like / toys i use
- days when your body doesn’t cooperate, isn’t as satisfying as it should be
- having to jump up and go when someone tips the right amount
- comments are always positive, if they aren’t you have the power to ban
- having to work when it isn’t ideal
- people don’t typically reveal that depth of themselves when talking about work
- hard to unite with how people usually talk about work / talk about feeling about work, even though it relates to how i talk about work / talk about feeling about work
- danger of being seen as turning to sex work of desperation … which is somewhat true … but i’m relatively privileged so how desperate is it?
- does it have to be relevant to / speak to everyone? (impossible)
- better than selling door to door scam furnaces - physically, emotionally, politically… ethically
- in reflecting on that as an alternative … getting paid to orgasm is truly the dream
- struggle with whether or not people will believe / understand that in writing / creative work that everything has intention, meaning, that there are no accidents.
- orgasms are legit
- sex work as legit work even if it isn’t “empowering”
- value of working through these questions / issues within the creative process, learning to accept that expectations of encompassing all of these ideas + my position on sex work + a beneficial conversation about the topic is kind impossible / irrelevant
- not knowing what you want to say until you’ve said it
- move forward with what you have + use questions raised to inform work in the future
- no perfect artifacts

The Cumshow Draft 4 w/ Audio + Music

1) If they tipped me, I bared anything they desired. With the chiming of the tips, I chirped, “thank you!” and giggled and smiled.  I pulled my black tank top over my head, showing the red lace bra underneath.

“Wow,” they said, “how big are those?”

2) It was so hard to get back into habit of coming online.  I’d been using my period as an excuse not to, you can’t work when you’re bleeding.  But the month was coming to an end, and the pressure to pay up was on.  With that, I set up the camera and tripod in the bathroom.

1) The chat was silent with the anticipation. With a grin, I removed my bra and pushed my boobs together to show off how plump and round they were, pinching and twisting my nipples.  I raised one to my lips, flicked it with my tongue, and kissed it before sucking.  The sensation traveled through my body, and made my pussy wet.

2) I shut my eyes and rubbed my nipples. I tried not to look too sad or lost or like I had a very fat chin. I tried not to spend too much time in my head, so I could feel the sensation in my nipples as it tingled down and into my cunt. But it didn’t. It stopped in my gut like a lead weight.

1) More tips rolled in, and I revealed my body accordingly.  I spread my thick thighs to reveal a delicate, curly blonde bush that I stroked and twirled between my fingers. I spread my lips — deep pink, plump folds – to reveal the little gem that was my clit. I touched it lightly, and held it between my index and middle fingers, wiggling, a gentle pleasure that would make me bite my lip and sigh as I stared into the camera — at them

“Ohhh my,” they said, “beautiful goddess.”

2) I readjusted the camera, trying to find a suitable angle for the movement I was about make. There was no way of knowing. I lowered myself into the bathtub, a disgusting yellow green. I thought of my fleshy rolls and the folds of my body.  How my pale skin must have looked against the yellow.  How the dark brown walls and ceiling made me think of taking a shit in a cave made of packed dirt.

“I would love to know what dirty thoughts she’s thinking,” they said.

1) One finger, then two, slipped inside.  Palm pressed against my clit.  Hooked fingers pushing against the wall.  The pressure was like a pleasure jolt, a wave that grew in intensity as I pushed again and again with increasing frequency.  I could feel goose bumps on my cheeks as my pussy tightened around my fingers.

“Does it turn you on to think of us watching you?” they asked.

2) A pang of guilt or shame or disbelief at the disconnect between their fantasy and my reality rang deep in my gut. Like there was something wrong with me for not thinking of the men, and the cocks, and how my cunt felt clenching around my fingers, and the 200 men that were watching with their dicks in hands as I hated myself in the bath tub.

1) My toy of choice was a pink glass dildo. It was hard and smooth, with gentle curves that hit just the right spots, no matter the angle. I resisted the temptation to fuck myself hard and fast, intentionally denying my pleasure, my orgasm, so I could feel each individual stroke, savoring it.

2) During my period, I prefer being fucked hard.  I was dehydrated, but I was dying to squirt.  There is something so satisfying about liquid confirmation shooting from your cunt.  Rubbing your clit until it hurts.  Pounding harder, deeper, hitting that magic spot near your cervix so it makes liquid build up in that mysterious pouch that may or may not be your bladder.

1) Unable to resist any longer, I let out a desperate, pleading moan.  Ohh… liquid gushed out of my pussy, puddling underneath me, landing on my thighs, my calves, my feet. By some miracle of physics, drops landed on my chest, and my lips.  My free hand moved down my thigh and clutched the flesh, trying in vain to find something would contain my pleasure.

2) When you’re dehydrated, there is no liquid to build it.  Later, when they asked, I told them, “of course I squirted, I always squirt!”.  To them, my frustration looked like an orgasm.  

1) When the pleasure subsided, I brought my fingers to my lips, spreading them to see how my juices suspended between them. I couldn’t resist my own sweet taste, licking each individual finger, making sure I got every last morsel.

2) I breathed deep. I idly licked my fingers. The liquid was bitter, yellow. It rang on the tip of my tongue, and in the back between my molars. It was thin on the roof of my mouth, and vaguely metallic on my lips.

“Mmm I wish I knew how sweet that tasted,” they said.

It tasted exactly like diluted urine.

“You have the most perfect body on this site,” they said.

“Do you sell your panties?”

Cumshow Audio Glitching Tests

Cumshow Glitch Type 2

Cumshow Glitch Brush Text

Cumshow Glitch Filters

Cumshow Glitch Brushes

Cumshow Glitch Horizontal Brushes

Cumshow Glitch Hex Edit

Footage Notes

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Video Databending Tests

Databending Test - Hex Editing from josephine norman on Vimeo.

Databending Test - Hex, Then Audacity Editing from josephine norman on Vimeo.

rough // what the fuck am i doing with my life

If they tipped me, I bared whatever they desired. My breasts that jiggled and wiggled as I fondled them, and twisted my nipples.  I knew that I was turning them on, and the knowledge of them watching me strengthened the sensations that coursed.

After setting up my tripod and camera in the bathroom, I started taking off my clothes. I shut my eyes and rubbed my nipples. I tried not to look too sad or lost or like I had a very fat chin. I tried not to spend too much time in my head, so I could feel the sensation in my nipples as it tingled down and into my cunt. But it didn’t. It stopped in my gut, a heavy weight.
When I received the right amount of tips, I leaned back, and spread my thick thighs to reveal a delicate, curly blonde bush that I stroked and twirled between my fingers. I spread my lips — deep pink, plump folds – to reveal the little gem that was my clit. I touched it lightly, and held it between my index and middle fingers, wiggling and pressing on my pelvis, a gentle pleasure that would make me bite my lip and sigh as I stared into the camera — at them.

“Ohh my,” they said. “Mmm.”
“Beautiful goddess.”

I readjusted the camera, trying to find a suitable angle for the movement I was about make. There was no way of knowing. I lowered myself into the mustard bath tub, which I thought of as avocado, but it was more yellow than green. Any bath tub colour other than white is an atrocity.

I thought of the fleshy rolls and the folds of my body, and imagined how they must look surrounded by mustard yellow in the dark bathroom, with the walls and the ceiling painted dark brown, like taking a shit in a cave made of packed dirt.

“I would like to know what dirty thoughts she’s thinking,” they said.

One finger, then two, slipped deep inside.  Pressed the palm of my hand against my clit. As I felt the pressure within the wet, velvety folds, the hair all over my body stood on end.

I was in the bathtub because I squirt, to contain the mess I make. Mostly, that was my location of choice, with feet up against the wall, pounding as liquid dripped and dribbled and gushed and shot into a trail to the drain. Liquid that got on my feet, that lefts dark dirty smudges on the bathroom floor from the filth that lived on my soles.
Hooked my fingers and pressed against the wall of my pussy.  The pressure was like a pleasure jolt, a wave within my body that grew in intensity as I pressed with more frequency. I could feel goose bumps on my cheeks as my pussy tightened around my fingers.  In the back of my mind, the thought of them watching me enjoy myself, and how much they would have love to be enjoying me too. I imagined what it would feel like for them, their own fingers, thicker and less delicate than mine, if they were in place of my own hand. How eager they would have been to rub their cocks along my slit, teasing until I begged to feel them inside.

A pang of guilt or shame or disbelief at the disconnect between their fantasy and my reality rang deep in my gut. Like there was something wrong with me for not thinking of the men and the cocks and how my pussy felt clenching around my fingers, and the 200 men that were watching with their dicks in hands as I hated myself in the bath tub.
My toy of choice was a pink glass dildo. It was hard and smooth, with gentle curves that hit just the right spots, no matter the angle. I rubbed the round, hard head against my clit, around my clit, before slipping it in. I took it deep, slowly, feeling every inch of the cool glass as it moved inside me. I slid it out, paused, felt the sensation of the warm walls coming together again. Each time I pushed it in, and pulled it out, I paused, resisting the temptation to fuck myself hard and fast, intentionally denying my pleasure, my orgasm, so I could feel each individual stroke, savoring it.

I was dehydrated, so I couldn’t squirt. It felt good, but I wanted to squirt. When I squirted, it felt better. There is something satisfying about liquid confirmation shooting from your cunt. But when you try to force it, it hurts. Rubbing your clit more. Pounding harder, deeper, hitting that magic A-spot, so it makes liquid build up in that mysterious pouch that may or may not be your bladder.
Unable to resist any longer, my fingers pressed against my clit. Hard, roughly rubbing. I let out a desperate, pleading moan. I could feel the pressure building. I did want it, but I didn’t want it. I knew what came next. I rubbed my clit faster, and ohh… liquid gushed out of my pussy, slow at first, as I instinctively tried to hold it in. But I couldn’t stand it any more, and the flood gates opened. Juices came squirting out of my pussy, puddling underneath me, landing on my thighs, my calves, my feet. By some miracle of physics, drops land on my chest, and my lips. It tasted sweet and salty.

When you are dehydrated, there is no liquid to build up.
Fucking myself and rubbing my clit, I came over and over again. As I gushed, the dildo slid easier, and I fucked myself harder.

Sensations in the form of colours, deep oranges, bright yellows, vibrant pinks, exploded from deep inside me, spreading in unpredictable patterns to the rest of my body. My free hand moved down my thigh and clutched the flesh, trying to find something to grip that would contain my pleasure.

To them, my frustration looked like an orgasm. 

I could have cried.
The thought of them watching me was no longer in my mind. There was nothing in my mind. My mind was empty. I was nothing but my body and the pleasure coursing through it, racked by orgasm after orgasm.I brought my fingers to my mouth, spreading them so I could see how my juices suspended between them, before slipping it into my mouth. I couldn’t resist my own sweet taste, licking each finger individually, making sure I got every last morsel. I rubbed my tongue against the roof of my mouth, savouring the taste of myself.
I breathed deep. I idly licked my fingers. The liquid was bitter, yellow. It rang on the tip of my tongue, and in the back of my mouth between my molars. It was thin on the roof of my mouth, and vaguely metallic on my lips.
It tasted exactly like diluted urine.
“Mmm I wish I knew how sweet that tasted,” they said.
I drank water from the faucet.
I wiped myself down with a wet wash cloth.
“Mmmmmm, oh yes.”

As I leaned forward, the folds and the rolls moved with me. They contracted and expanded. I dribbled water down my side, watched it flow into crevices and over mounds. My body was no longer my body. I no longer hated it. It was a landscape. A water wonderland. A puddle I played in, in the gutter after the spring thaw, when I was young. I built obstacles out of twigs on my flesh. I obstructed the water’s path with the sole of a rubber boot. I raced coloured toothpicks in the current under ledges of dirty ice.
When I was ready, I sat up, and watched their comments as they scrolled across my screen. I licked the juices off my fingers, more diluted, more mellow than they were before.  I hid my face in my hands smiling, bashful.

“You have the most perfect body on this site,” they said.
“Do you sell your panties?”

Cam Survey Rough -- Why ??

How did you find this survey?
Camsite
Reddit
Other

DEMOGRAPHIC QUESTION

What is your gender?
Male
Female
MTF
FTM
Genderqueer / genderfluid
Other / Prefer not to say

What is your age?
Under 18
18-21 years old
21-24 years old
25-30 years old
31-40 years old
41-50 years old
51-64 years old
65 years or older
Other / Prefer not to say

What is your marital status?
Single, never married
Involved, never married
Married or domestic partnership
Widowed
Divorced
Separated
Other / Prefer not to say

Are you currently…?
Employed for wages
Self-employed
Out of work and looking for work
Out of work but not currently looking for work
A homemaker
A student
Military
Retired
Unable to work
Other / Prefer not to say


MASTURBATION QUESTIONS

On average, how often do you masturbate?
Several times a day
Once a day
2-3 times per week
A few times per month to weekly
A few times per year to monthly
Not in the past year
Other / Prefer not to say

On average, how much time do you spend masturbating / pursuing sexual content?
0- 5 mins
6- 10 mins
10- 15 mins
15- 20 mins
21- 30 mins
31- 40 mins
41- 50 mins
51- 60 mins
1- 1.5 hrs
1.5- 2 hrs
Over 2hrs on average

Do you masturbate due to desire, or more out of habit?
Desire
Habit
Other / Prefer not to say

Does masturbating satisfy you sexually?
Yes
No
Other / Prefer not to say

Do you feel your masturbation habits impact your productivity?
Yes - Positive
Yes - Negative
No
Other / Prefer not to say

Do you feel your masturbation habits impact your ability to connect with other people?
Yes - Positive
Yes - Negative
No
Other / Prefer not to say

Do you feel your masturbation habits impact your ability to perform sexually with a partner?
Yes - Positive
Yes - Negative
No
Other / Prefer not to say


SEX INDUSTRY QUESTIONS


Do you regularly visit camsites?
Yes
No
Other / Prefer not to say

You would describe your level of frequency as…
Rarely (New to it / not with any frequency).
Seldom (A few times a year).
Occasionally (4-7 times a month).
Frequently (3-4 days each week).
Often (4-7 days a week).
Always (7 days a week).
Other / Prefer not to say

In addition to cam sites, what are other ways you interact with the sex industry? (Check all that apply)
Amateur Porn Videos / Photos
Professional Porn Videos / Photos
Custom / Requested Porn Videos / Photos
Purchasing items from models (panties, socks, etc).
Purchasing sex toys
Sexting services
Phone sex services
Visiting Strip Clubs
Visiting sex workers / escorts / prostitutes
Working in the industry as a model
Working in the industry as a sex worker / escort / prostitute
Other / Prefer not to say

Do you spend money on the sex industry?
Yes
No
Other / Prefer not to say

Are your spending habits a financial concern?
Yes
No
Other / Prefer not to say

Do you ever worry that someone else will find out about the amount you spend on the sex industry, and what their reaction will be?
Yes
No
Other / Prefer not to say

During sexual activity do you have to imagine pornographic images to feel satisfied?
Yes
No
Other / Prefer not to say

Have you experienced “desire drift” (seeking out more and more sexual novelty, which could sometimes be described as “extreme”) or do you typically stick to the same type of material/activites?
I experience desire drift.
I stick to the same type of material / activities.
Other / Prefer not to say


Do you feel interacting with the sex industry has had an impact on how you feel about your gender of desire?
Yes - I feel more positively towards them.
Yes - I feel more negatively towards them.
No - It has not had an impact.
Other / Prefer not to say

Do you feel interacting with the sex industry has had an impact on

Additional comments

Dialogue / Monologue notes

http://worklabournewsresearch.tumblr.com/

“Sex workers are average Canadians. They’re Caucasian, in their 30s and 40s, and have education and training outside of high school. Most of them don’t feel exploited, they don’t see buyers as oppressors,” the study’s lead author Cecilia Benoit, a researcher at the Centre for Addictions Research of British Columbia, told Maclean’s. “They’re not weird, unusual people. They are people trying to do the best they can with the tools they have to live their lives.”

"The five-year study began in 2011 and is funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research. Researchers interviewed 218 sex workers, 1,252 clients, 30 spouses or intimate partners of sex workers, 61 managers of escort or massage businesses, and 80 law enforcement officials. The interviewees were from six cities: St. John’s, N.L., Montreal, Kitchener, Ont., Fort McMurray, Alta., and Victoria."

http://www.understandingsexwork.com/

http://www.understandingsexwork.com/sites/default/files/uploads/BillC36brief.pdf

https://d3n8a8pro7vhmx.cloudfront.net/pivotlegal/pages/660/attachments/original/1404320254/C36_Info_Sheet.pdf?1404320254

http://www.johnsvoice.ca/

RESEARCH
PURCHASING
People purchase sex for a range of reasons including: adventure, loneliness, sexual
insecurity, companionship, and sex/gender exploration

purchasers of sex  are stigmatized by their association with the sex
industry and often labeled as either immoral, sexually perverted, or as women-haters

Purchasers of sex are often looking for someone to fulfill a confidant or counsellig role in their lives.

 men do not want to feel as though they are coercing potentially sexually exploited
youth, trafficked and/or drug-addicted people into having sex

Little is known, about the women or transgendered/transsexual people who purchase sex

SELLING
the stereotyping of sex workers that goes on in the popular media and among people with little firsthand experience of sex work can have a profound impact on the health, safety, and security of sex workers, as well as their friends and families, those who pay for their services, and those who play a managerial role in the sex industry.

sex workers are adults who earn at least part of their income through the sale of direct sexual contact.

 the term sex worker emphasizes the work relations of the individuals involved. As such, they should be entitled to the same rights and responsibility as all other workers in Canada, including fair and equal treatment by managers and clients, health and safety at work, employment benefits, and legal protections. The term sex worker also encourages us to envision individuals engaged in this kind of economic activity as complex people whose worker status is just one aspect of their self-identity.

There are no accurate estimates of the gender breakdown of sex workers.

in Canada, Australia, and the UK the majority of sex work takes place in private venues, including escort agencies, massage parlours, hotels and motels, clients’ residences, and sex workers’ homes.

Indigenous people disproportionately represented in street-level sex work.

 periods of financial need or outright poverty are often key drivers, these are not the only ones. Many choose this work for the autonomy and flexibility it affords – that is, the ability to choose when and where to work, who they work with, and how much money they
earn each week61,81. Still others see the sex industry as an opportunity to explore their
sexuality, to validate their desirability, and to be a part of something that defies
social-sexual norms and values.

common myths are that all sex workers are victims, all sex workers are drug addicts, all sex workers are survivors of sexual abuse, and sex work is inherently violent.

 1) they do not recognize the diversity of the sex worker population;
2) while street-level workers tend to be comparatively disadvantaged, some prefer the
“flexibility, autonomy, and unstructured nature of this sector” of the industry; and 3)
while street-level work is the most visible aspect of the sex industry, research suggests
the majority of workers do not work on the street61

STIGMA
while a sex worker might be many things, they are reduced to single thing: their occupation

perceived stigma: some sex workers will avoid certain social interactions out of fear that people will treat them differently if they find out they work in the sex industry

enacted stigma: a sex worker may seek out police protection or health services but find they do not always receive appropriate care

 sex workers are easy targets for discrimination because they are blamed for such things as the breakdown of the traditional family, sexually transmitted infections (but especially HIV/AIDS), escalating crime in urban areas (especially those related to drugs), and the subversion of youth.

the sex industry is disproportionately made up of groups of people who have been historically scapegoated for social problems, including: women, Aboriginals, visible minorities, immigrants, those with sexually transmitted illnesses, illicit drug users, disabled persons, single-parents, as well as, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or transsexual individuals

many sex workers feel they play an important role in society, either as legitimate artistic performers, emotional and/or sexual health counsellors, or by providing an important service for disabled persons and by deflecting violence away from women in the general public.

VIOLENCE
Many sex workers reject the notion that sex work is inherently violent and attribute the disproportionately high level of violence associated with the sex industry to its stigmatization and criminalization.

sex workers have historically often not been believed by police and
service providers when they say they have been raped because mainstream society
considers the bodies of sex workers undeserving of integrity and violable at all times

Because sex work is so deeply stigmatized sex workers are usually unwelcome in
residential neighbourhoods and busy commercial districts and therefore pushed into
industrial parks or other marginalized areas of cities or towns

women are not statistically more likely than men or transgendered sex workers to experience beatings and robbery on the job. However, women may be more likely to be raped

, it is widely reported by sex workers, globally, that police engage in “excessive use of physical force, forced removal and subsequent abandonment [to] outlying areas, and coerced sex to police in exchange for freedom from detainment, fine, or arrest”

 First Nations, Métis, and Inuit women in the
street-trade are more likely to be injured, go missing, or be murdered in places like
Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, or on what has become known as the “Highway of
Tears” (Highway 16 located in Northern British Columbia near Prince Rupert) than
are white women

studies report that anywhere from 60-80% of indoor workers report never experiencing any work-related violence

it is likely that a relatively small number of men posing as clients are repeat offenders, committing a large number of the violent crimes against sex workers

THE LAW / SCC
In recognition that current federal laws are unconstitutional, Ontario Superior Court Justice Susan Himel struck down three provisions of the criminal code mentioned above (sections 210; 212(l)(j) and 213(i)(c)) in September 2010. Himel found these laws prevented sex workers from taking steps to enhance their safety and reduce the risk of violence. A stay of effect – whereby current laws are suspended – was put in place pending appeal. While sex workers and sex worker advocates have applauded this progressive ruling, the Conservative government appealed to the Ontario Count of Appeal

All five upheld the earlier decision that the Bawdy house provision (s. 210) was unconstitutional but suspended the declaration of invalidity for 12 months

Section 212 (living on the avails of prostitution) was not struck down but amended. All five agreed to reword the section to say “prohibition applies only to those who live on the avails of prostitution in circumstances of exploitation.” The amended living on the avails section of the law takes place 30 days from the release of the decision.

http://www.pivotlegal.org/canada_v_bedford_a_synopsis_of_the_supreme_court_of_canada_ruling

“The prohibitions at issue do not merely impose conditions on how prostitutes operate. They go a critical step further, by imposing dangerous conditions on prostitution; they prevent people engaged in a risky – but legal – activity from taking steps to protect themselves from the risk.” (para 60)

// The prohibitions at issue impose dangerous

(bawdy house) Specifically, the Court stated that “the harms identified by the courts below are grossly disproportionate to the deterrence of community disruption that is the object of the law. Parliament has the power to regulate against nuisances, but not at the cost of the health safety and lives of prostitutes. A law that prevents street-prostitutes from resorting to a safe haven such as Grandma’s House while a suspected serial killer prowls the streets, is a law that has lost sight of its purpose.” (para 136)


(avails) “The law punishes everyone who lives on the avails of prostitution without distinguishing between those who exploit prostitutes (such as controlling and abusive pimps) and those who could increase the safety and security of prostitutes (for example, legitimate drivers, managers, or bodyguards.” (para 142)

(comm)  “By prohibiting communication in public for the purpose of prostitution, the law prevents prostitutes from screening clients and setting terms for the use of condoms or safe houses. In these ways, it significantly increases the risk they face.” (para 71)

“If screening could have prevented one woman from jumping into Robert Pickton’s car, the severity of the harmful effects is established” (para 158)


SEX WORKERs
"After having appeared at the justice committee, and being given 10 minutes — actually, five minutes and 30 seconds — to speak, and then ignored for an hour and a half, I have no real interest in going through that experience again."


"Sex workers are not just symbolic representations, but living, breathing Canadians who are going to suffer under C-36,” - Nicole Matte

"Our clients, men and women, are not perverts or criminals, and we are not victims." - Maxime Dorocher

"We don't need saving, what we need is to be part of society like everyone else” - Maxime Dorocher

"Bad laws serve us up on a silver platter to sexual predators,” - Valerie Scott


PARLIAMENT

"We believe prostitution is inherently dangerous and exploitative." — Justice Minister Peter MacKay

“[Sex trades] are not harmful because they are illegal. They are illegal because they are harmful." — Prime Minister Stephen Harper


Protection of Communities and Exploited Persons Act